I feel really worn out and isolated and anxious about being on the internet. I’m crying more than i have in months this week. I feel hot with shame and pain at not being able to adequately explain myself on my pathetic goddamn blog, as my terror of being unworthy for any community infected what used to be a digital refuge of sorts and my heart grew lotus feet.

and heaps posi found a jewel bug days ago. I drive myself crazy, on autopilot. I want to run til i vomit. I’m word-starved. it hurts.

This has been a post about hating oneself and wanting toxic. Regular stifled programming may resume, sometime. Wish i didn’t feel so acutely unloved.

1. intrazone said: get a private blog to practice writing or something ?
2. anotherhookerblog said: you deserve a counselor you can be open with, go get one baby. It gets even better, I promise.
3. bodkins posted this